Review: Cyberbully

I bet you got pushed around,
Somebody made you cold,
But the cycle ends right now,
You can’t lead me down that road,
You don’t know, what you don’t know

- Mean, by Taylor Swift

This past Sunday, ABC Family aired a made-for-TV movie called Cyberbully which, depending on who you ask, was either a ridiculous, melodramatic and exaggerated portrayal of cyberbullying in which a teenager flips out over being called names… or it was a realistic, much-needed look at how cyberbullying really plays out and how hurtful and painful it can be. And funny enough, I was hard-pressed to find any opinions that were anything but those two extremes… and I thought that was incredibly interesting.

On one side, there are a lot of comments along the lines of:

• “so stupid, why didn’t she just block or delete them?”
• or “why would she attempt because someone called her a slut”
• or “that’s not how bullies act”

On the other:

• “I cried because this is exactly what I went through”
• or “Even if it’s corny, there needs to be more awareness about cyberbullying”

And yeah, I watched it. But as usual, instead of taking a side, we’re going to sit on the fence and say a bit about what we did and didn’t like!

What we liked

There were indeed many, many parts of this movie that were very realistic… I thought Emily Osment (and the writers!) absolutely nailed what it feels like to be in a teenager’s shoes when they’re getting battered by insults and abuse like that. What’s important, though, is that I thought they were right to have her not block or delete her bullies’ comments. Heck, she even begged her friends to let her see what they were writing, and not because she’s a masochist, but because in the moment, it can be really hard to remember all those options and hard to disengage from conflicts like that because you just get sucked in and stay sucked in. I liked that she later admitted how long it took her to even think of blocking.

Likewise, I think her mom, the senator and the portrayal of the law were bang on, especially how they struggled to see why she would keep acting the way she was, kept reading the insults and getting pulled further in. Adults can sometimes forget how big a deal their kids’ social life is, and what it was like to be that age.

Finally, I liked that some of the conflict (and arguably the bullying) wasn’t just the top-dog mean girls bitching at her… but also in-fighting with her friends, or the way other kids on the side backed off or joined in, or even just spread the word. Bullying isn’t always so straightforward and there was definitely some sense in the movie of that.

What we didn’t

The suicide attempt… but probably not for the reasons you think. I thought they did a nice job of showing that she was trying to kill herself for many reasons, it’s not just about being called a slut and there’s a lot more going on: it’s also about losing your best friends who have always been your biggest support, fighting with your mom, feeling totally disconnected from and neglected by your dad, feeling like life at school is just going to get worse and worse, and not really having anything positive balancing out any of that. And they had all that in the movie, but then tossed it all away and made it sound like it was only the cyberbullying that did it… which is just way too oversimplified.

The storybook ending is a little annoying too, considering it seemed to solve everything in the space of a day. Things can get better, but it doesn’t necessarily happen overnight as soon as you confront one bully once. Heck, that might not even be the best way to deal with a particular situation… it’s important to choose the answer that’s right for you. This also undid all the neat ideas we liked around bullying being about more than just the one person (and possibly her friends) that we were talking about earlier.

Don’t just take our word for it, though… Look for a repeat in your area, or check YouTube or other sites for it… then come back and tell us what you think!

If you want to see more movies along this vein, Mean Girls might have come up, but that’s much more of a comedy. For something more edgy and realistic, try looking for Odd Girl Out, a Lifetime movie that we’ll hopefully review as well some day soon!

Real Real Beauty

But I see your true colors shining through
I see your true colors and that’s why I love you
so don’t be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors are beautiful
like a rainbow

- True Colors, by Cyndi Lauper

A long, long time ago (okay, about a year and a half ago), we took a look at the role of media as part of the kickoff to our series on Celebrating Our Natural Sizes. In it, we included a video called Evolution that Dove used as part of their Campaign for Real Beauty. The revolutionary idea behind this ad campaign was to use “real women” instead of models to sell one of their products (the firming cream, in case you’re interested). Sounds great, right? Well sure. But then how do we feel about the rather mixed message of “You’re beautiful the way you are, but buy our products to look beautiful“? I’ll give away our answer right away: Some parts are great, some parts need work.

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Some parts are great

Seriously! An ad campaign that talks openly about the kind of manipulation that’s done in advertising every day is a welcome change. Evolution laid bare the incredible amount of changes that can and were made with photo-editing (like Photoshop). Mothers & Daughters was a collection of clips, women talking about how they saw themselves and the massive expectations and pressure they felt. Onslaught was a one-minute barrage of the thousands of images that girls are confronted with every day. Then there were ideas like Amy, that were a reminder of the difference between the things we tell ourselves, and what other people think of us.

Seeing women in their ads that were rounder, older, flatter or frecklier was so refreshing and unusual that it all of a sudden seemed so obvious that advertising was ignoring the billions of women who looked nothing like your billboard models. And we appreciate that.

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Some parts need work

So Unilever, the company that brings us Dove, is also responsible for Axe body spray (or Lynx, overseas). Axe’s ad campaigns are, it’s safe to say, less progressive and reality-embracing… typically, commercials revolve around women throwing themselves at men who use the product, with tall, skinny girls in heels, miniskirts and low-cut shirts, and heavily sexualized themes all over the place. You could probably make a decent argument that it’s just encouraging boys to objectify women even more… not very consistent with the Real Beauty message. And many people took exception, like the makers of this parody of Onslaught, with clips of Axe commercials spliced in.

Obviously Dove didn’t haul all of these women off the street for their ads, neither… Just because they’re not 18 years old, six feet tall, size 0 with long blonde hair and perfect skin doesn’t mean they aren’t model-worthy in their own right. And if that weren’t enough, touch-up “artist” Pascal Dangin, revealed that he was responsible for a whole pile of electronic nips & tucks during that campaign… retouches that had to be careful to keep the women “showing their mileage but not looking unattractive.” Wasn’t the whole point to avoid that sort of crap?

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In the end, our hope is that we’ll be able to take away some of the positives of Dove’s campaign (real-er women in ads, real attention paid to the dangerous impact of advertising on young girls and teenagers, real effort to shore up self-esteems that have been pounded by the media) but still be able to say “That’s good, but we can do better.“

Researchers tell you what you do: Texting Edition

“Oh, you know, texting. It’s what the kids do these days instead of going to dinosaur races.”

- Warehouse 13, “Age before beauty”

We’ve talked a few times now about research, scientists and studies, and how everyone seems to know (or desperately wants to know) what teenagers are thinking. Countless marketing studies are done on how to appeal to the 13-18 age bracket because, frankly, companies who can harness the power of that demographic can get filthy, filthy rich.

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Now it’s no secret that texting is A Really Big Deal; Last year, a Pew Reserch Center study showed that 72% of the teens studied were text-messengers… 54% of them texted daily. The same study 4 years earlier clocked texters in at 51% of all teens. While not everyone has a cell phone – the same study showed that a full quarter of teenagers don’t – there’s definitely this sense that it’s on the rise.

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No surprise, then, that there’s a great desire on the part of researchers and parents to keep up with the trend, which definitely isn’t easy. I myself recently read an article that challenged the reader to decipher text acronyms, and got stumped at “143“. Shortly afterwards, I stumbled on this beauty: a list of the “Top 50 internet acronyms parents need to know“, somewhere around 40 of which I’d never really heard of… I wouldn’t be surprised to hear if most of you hadn’t either.

Since it’s entirely possible that this list lives at least partly in the minds of people who fear the worst of their teenage kids, no surprise (again) that most of them are about sex, and another bunch are about avoiding parents! But given the (fairly justified) alarm around sexting, I guess this all sounds fairly plausible to most people.

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Texting isn’t just used for mischief, though…

Last year, the CBC ran a program where they interviewed a doctor who used facebook and texting her four teenage diabetes patients and found it helped them both keep in touch and stay on track with their meds.

Earlier this year, we went to a conference where a few youth workers talked about using texting to both keep in touch with the youth they were working with, and as a crisis service, where they could be texted out of the blue. Generally, their results sounded super positive and while I’m not 100% certain that it would be right for us, it’s definitely a promising idea!

If you’ve got an opinion on the matter, feel free to leave us a comment.

Help from the strangest places

Be the change you wish to see.

- Mahatma Gandhi

Despite the fact that we’re (obviously) pretty strong believers in how effective an online support chat can be, I think it’s safe to say that we’re still considered pretty alternative… unusual… unconventional… weird… by a lot of people. A lot of our chatters – hell, even a lot of our volunteers – find it strange at first to be talking about the difficulties of life to someone by IM. But if the world is going to keep up with the changing times, we’ll have to keep pushing the boundaries and trying new things. And that goes for helping too.

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Twice already (here and here), we’ve taken a look at how video games have taken on a different face to go beyond entertaining to educate, to inspire and to support. Jennifer Ann’s Group has once again held their annual Life. Love. Game Design Challenge, to encourage budding game designers to create a game that teaches people about the dangers, warning signs and ways to help people around the topic of dating violence, without using any actual violence in-game.

This year’s winner is called Finding Jane, which you can try out here. My favorite entry, though, was the second place winner, called Moving On (pictured right), half because it has funner minigames and more fleshed out characters, and half because it really nails how complicated these relationships can be. The danger isn’t always apparent at first and the warning signs aren’t all so obvious… the kinds of tensions and conflicts that come up aren’t exclusive to violent relationships… and as things worsen, sometimes even playing the game perfectly doesn’t always mean you win. I highly recommend you have a look (link).

And if you think you might be in a violent relationship, know that help is out there. You can definitely come chat with us, or give us a call if you’re in BC (1-866-661-3311). Elsewhere in Canada, Kids Help Phone is a great option (1-800-668-6868), and in the US, there’s the 24/7 National Dating Abuse Hotline at 1-866-331-9474.

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But that’s not all!

“Gay” isn’t always as straightforward as it seems… and sometimes, it only adds to the confusion to learn that what you feel for others, what you feel you are, don’t always fit neatly into clear categories with perfectly suited names. We did what we could to tackle the subject in our learning section, though one of the best and most complete guides I’ve ever seen for LGBTQ and its five hundred thousand different terms came in the most unexpected of media: a webcomic. If you haven’t already, check out Rooster Tails’ Queer 101! It might not answer all of your questions, but I think it definitely sends the right message.

The Road to Healthy Living Part III

A puck is a hard rubber disc that hockey players strike when they can’t hit one another.

- Jimmy Cannon, sports writer

So hockey’s kind of a big deal around here and although I wanted to talk about the Stanley Cup Finals, it’s probably not for the reason you think. Yeah yeah, there were riots, but this picture is about as much as we have to say about it. What I really wanted to talk about was the injuries.

It was a pretty physical (and sometimes dirty!) final series all around, and Vancouver lost Mason Raymond to a fractured vertebrae but I was a little more interested to talk about Nathan Horton, who got knocked out of game 3 with a severe concussion. This is because concussions are precisely the kind of injury we’re often not sure how to treat… when is it so serious that I should see a doctor?… or rush to the hospital? A big part of taking care of yourself and “healthy living” is treating injuries.

Last month, Maclean’s ran a cover story about “Concussions: the Untold Story“, packed with interviews with players many of whom had their lives dramatically changed by concussions they suffered while playing in the NHL. Eric Lindros, Jeff Beukeboom, Kevin Kaminski and others all played hard, hit (and were hit!) hard and were surrounded by athletes for whom this sort of roughness is the norm, and by a culture of macho toughness that sometimes discourages players from taking care of themselves.

Unfortunately, the long-term consequences went much further than headaches. Many of the players spoke about mood swings, anxiety, depression and other struggles with their mental health that set in after the injury. Thankfully, with different forms of counselling, medication and therapy, most of these players are also on the mend and managing to take back control of their lives, showing that recovery is very much possible.

Today, Maclean’s ran a similar story about concussions in female sports as well, entitled “Concussions: they’re not just for men anymore”, challenging the notion that concussions only happened in rough sports and at high levels of competition. So we should all watch out.

So how can you know what to watch out for? Well, probably best to ask the pros! If you think something may be wrong, talk to a doctor or nurse.

• Talk to your family doctor, or school nurse if you have one.
• You can check out a list of youth clinics in your region on this page.
• Call HealthlinkBC. They have nurses on staff 24/7, just dial 8-1-1.

If you’d rather try and learn on your own, HealthlinkBC has a fantastic page with pages on all different kinds of conditions (here’s their page on Concussions, for example). You can also look up specific symptoms, if you’re not sure what you might have. And if you’re freaked out and could just use a friendly ear, pop by and chat one-on-one with a volunteer… just click the green CHAT NOW in the corner while we’re open (noon to 1am, every day).

The Road to Healthy Living Part II

I really don’t think I need buns of steel. I’d be happy with buns of cinnamon.

- Ellen DeGeneres

So it looks like summer’s finally here! Between that, our continuing series on health and the Stanley Cup Finals, I’ve sorta had exercise on the brain. Physical activity is a great way to improve health and well-being: It’s a great way to blow off stress; strengthen your heart, bones, muscles & lungs; increase your overall energy; and can be a fun way to spend time with friends (or away from them, if that’s what you need!).

The Public Health Agency of Canada suggests that youth (12-17) do “one hour of moderate- to vigorous-intensity activity… at least 3 times a week” (click here for their guidelines for adults, 18+) and even offer up some ideas as to how to get more active:

• Walk, run or bike instead of getting a ride – to school, the mall, your friend’s house.
• Take yoga, hip-hop, or aerobics classes.
• Try indoor rock climbing, play soccer, ride a bike.
• Take the dog for a walk.
• Dance to your favourite music.
• Rake the leaves, shovel snow, carry the groceries home.
• Join a team at your school.

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If you’re interested in maybe seeing what’s out there to try in terms of sports, activities and such, there are 24 community centres all over the Vancouver area (map), and many more when you include the whole Lower Mainland. Most include fitness centres, gymnasiums, pools and/or ice rinks, but also host other activities like aerobics, martial arts, intramural sports, racquet sports, etc. Most also have some sort of youth drop-in program too, some of which do outings like hiking or canoeing trips, beach sports days and much more.

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And if you’re going out there, especially out in the sun during the day, remember: wear sunscreen (SPF 15 or higher), and drink plenty of water if you’re going to be active. All that exercise won’t be much fun if you pass out from heat stroke in the middle of your game!

The Road to Healthy Living

He that takes medicine and neglects diet, wastes the skills of the physician.

- Chinese Proverb

The past two weeks have been particularly rough on my body (backache, ow) so between that and the melanoma business from last week, I thought that this week I’d write about physical health & wellness. While looking for ideas, I saw a cute little notice on the CBC’s web site (pictured) saying “Live Right Now! We’re looking for Canada’s healthiest school. Get up and get moving!” That sounded fun and healthy, so I clicked through only to be hit immediately by a banner that asked me: “Pledge Your Weight Loss! xxx lbs!”

Really?… seriously?

It’s not that losing weight is in and of itself a bad thing. But it’s definitely not the only important part of physical wellness; Nutrition, exercise and proper medical care are some of the essential parts of physical wellness and weight is only a small part of those. You’ll notice I didn’t mention dress size and bridal bootcamp as essential parts, neither!

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Much like the quote says, it’s not enough just to take the right medicine; Diet is important too. And by diet, we mean the kinds of things you eat. That quote is often interpreted as “neglects to diet“, which makes it sound like Chinese philosophers think you need to go on a diet! (which they don’t, btw… they think you look fabulous)

Like we’ve touched on before in our series on ED, the media plays a huge role in how we perceive our bodies, beauty and health. The messages that we get from TV, news, music, movies, the net, often make it sound like losing twenty pounds is the road to health but it’ll take more than just losing weight to be fit enough to run a mile, or shake off that flu, or keep from getting cavities (yup, that’s health too!) or keep from hurting your back.

Despite all those choices, you don’t need to be perfect at all of them! Just remember that there are many different roads to wellness. This week, I just wanted to remind you that OMG LOSE WEIGHT NAO was not necessarily the most important one. Look beyond the numbers and let’s start to take a look at what really matters to being healthy.

Dear 16-year old me…

What is the appropriate behavior for a man or a woman in the midst of this world, where each person is clinging to his piece of debris? What’s the proper salutation between people as they pass each other in this flood?

- Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism

A couple of weeks ago, The DCMF (David Cornfield Melanoma Fund) kicked off Melanoma Awareness Month with this PSA. It features a pile of adults addressing their 16-year old selves with the lessons they had learned about the disease first-hand and the hard way, which I found particularly punchy and, more importantly, effective.

Melanoma is probably the most dangerous form of skin cancer and, even though it’s rarer than the other kinds, it’s still responsible for the majority of deaths related to skin cancer. We talked about tanning and how it brushes up against the issue earlier this year, but we were light on the grave warnings. It’s sometimes hard to convince people what to do based on those “Trust me, it’s bad for you” arguments, so instead, we’ve usually just opted for the “You already know where we’re coming from, but consider learning a thing or two about it” approach. So if you’re interested, consider taking a look at DCMF’s melanoma detection toolkits here.

Heck, if I could talk to 16-year old me, I’d probably have a fair bit to say about brushing my teeth, smoking and warn them about the crazy relationship that’s coming. I realize the gap to 16 is probably smaller (or non-existent!) for most of you, so what would you tell your younger self?

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Our thoughts also go out to the folks in Manitoba, who are having to deal with one of the worst floods of the Assiniboine River in recent memory. On the off-chance that you’re still short on the latest news for flood conditions, evacuation guidelines and how you can volunteer to help, check the Province of Manitoba’s page here.

Clean your act up and don’t be a slob

My parents taught me what life was about,
so I grew up the type they warned me about
They said my friends were just an unruly mob,
and I should get a haircut and get a real job

- Get A Haircut, by George Thorogood & the Destroyers

A quickie this week as we’re pretty busy preparing for our annual Volunteer Appreciation Night (just like last year), the night where we recognize the hundreds of volunteers who are on the other side of the screen, answering your chats and phone calls. They’re not actually cats so a scratch behind the ears isn’t quite enough… we set aside a night to recognize their contributions and basically give back for all the time and energy they give us (and you!) over the year.

Thank you, you crazy cats. Thanks for your patience and your listening.

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Oh, and we thought it was about time the employment resouces section got seriously buffed. Not that I’m telling you all to get off yer butts and get a job, just that we were slacking! As per usual, the idea will be to focus specifically on the kinds of resource centres that are focused on youth… who get that it’s different being 18 and looking for work… and might be able to plug you into programs specifically for youth. Have a look!

Increasing Election Size

“It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.”

- Winston Churchill

So Monday, Canadians will once again go to the polls to elect their national parliament. Of course, a lot of people have voted already through advance polling… but they won’t start counting until then anyhow. I know, I know… exciting stuff. But there’s a point in mentioning it here: These leaders still help shape the Canada you’ll likely be living in.

Voter turnout has been on a 25 year downturn, so an increasingly small part of Canada is deciding things for everyone. When a party says they got 50% of the vote, that’s not even 50% of Canadians… that’s 50% of the folks that turned out… we got 59% turnout at the last election, so that’s really less than 30% of everyone. And yeah, that’s right, I’m talking about math and politics at the same time.

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A few months ago, we talked about what the legal ages for various things should be, among them voting. We’ve been considering bringing it down to 16 here, and in the sidebar poll about half of you said that you thought that it should be lowered. Funny enough, every election, Student Vote organizes a mock vote with schools from all across Canada, allowing underage students to encourage youth to learn about politics, democracy and how our electoral process works… your school may have been involved. What’s more, those results of those votes had students accurately predicting the results of the past 3 elections! (take that!)

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So if elections aren’t your thing, then maybe you could check out some of the funner stuff going on. BC Youth Week runs from May 1st to 7th, with all sorts of activities (some free, some not) all week. Check out their site and click on the “Youth Week Events” to see calendars for your area. No event of our own to plug though, unfortunately, as we’ll have our hands full prepping for our annual Volunteer Appreciation Night for the folks from our centre.