I came to the club drunk with a fake ID
Don’t you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I’ve been with 10 women who got HIV
Now don’t you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I got genital warts and it burns when I pee
Don’t you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I tie a rope around my penis and jump from a tree
You probably wanna grow up to be just like me!!!

- Eminem, Role Model

With the Olympics having been in town up until last week, there has been a ton of discussion about the athletes.  We’ve been watching their every move for weeks and clearly, people have a lot to say about how they act not only when they’re competing, but afterwards as well.  I’m referring, of course, to Canada’s gold-medal winning Women’s Hockey Team that stayed on the ice long after the audience was gone and had a few drinks and smoked a few cigars.

(image courtesy of the Toronto Star)

The initial reaction was a bit of shock and criticism, but it became quickly apparent not everyone thought there was anything wrong with what these ladies had done, from Sports Illustrated, to the Toronto Star, to the CBC.  I suppose the reason there was any outcry at all has to do with the perception that prominent athletes, movie stars, musicians all need to be role models for our youth.

But being a role model isn’t about being perfect.  Heck, half the Canadian Olympic team have been in McDonald’s commercials, and that’s hardly what you would an ideal diet for world-class athletes… but I bet if you talked to them in person, they would be incredibly happy to tell you what a nutritious meal really looks like. Jon Montgomery won the gold medal in skeleton, then drank from the pitcher of beer he was handed as he walked down the street (isn’t there an open container law here?)… but just like the hockey ladies, he’s worked his butt of for years to achieve this success and he sure as heck didn’t drink his way to discipline.

You can look up to people without loving every little thing about them.  You can respect their qualities while you laugh at their quirks while you accept their faults.  That’s the beauty of it… You get to choose what you take and what you leave.

Closing Time,
every new beginning
comes from some other beginning’s end

- Semisonic, Closing Time

One of the unfortunate realities of what we do here at Youth in BC is that the program has an opening and closing time.  We do what we can between noon and 1am pacific time, but then where can you go when we’re closed?  Well I guess that depends on what you’re looking for.

Some of these services also have on-line chat available (usually for only part of the day).  If phones are okay with you, then it’ll depend on whether you want something that’s geared towards youth, or towards suicide.

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For youth:

(these particular four are all answered by counsellors and are 24/7)

• Canada: Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868
• United States: Boys Town National Hotline 1-800-448-3000
• United Kingdoms: Childline 0800 1111
• Australia: Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800

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For suicide:

(these are all answered by volunteers and are 24/7)

• Canada (in BC): 1-800-SUICIDE (some of the same volunteers as YIBC!)
• Canada (outside of BC): With no national line, you can always try Kids Help Phone (see above) or check this page on the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention’s site for a local crisis centre.
• United States: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK
• United Kingdoms: Samaritans 08457 90 90 90
• Ireland: Samaritans 1850 60 90 90
• Australia: Lifeline Australia 13 11 14

He who has health has hope; He who has hope has everything.

- Arab proverb

One of the more amusing links to get passed around this week came courtesy of the Middlesex-London Health Unit (link), a public education body out in Ontario.  It’s called Adventures in Sex City, and it’s a web-based sex ed trivia game that features superheroes fighting against an evil masked wrestler with penis arms.

No, really.  He has penises for arms.

GRAAWR

The game features a series of true-or-false questions, largely themed around STIs and STI transmission.  They’re not all easy, mind you… even some of the people here at YIBC didn’t score perfect on their first go.  What’s more, the little billboards on the bottom will occasionally flash, indicating that there’s an extra little bit of info to be had by clicking on them.

Aside from the fairly disturbing implication that unprotected sex might lead you to growing penis arms and turn your sperm evil, the questions are right on the money and the MLHU’s web side is full of information on a ton of different health topics.  Check it out!  You can click on the picture above to go straight to the game.

Every year our parent organization, the Vancouver Crisis Centre, issues the Steve Cowan Scholarship to “encourage and promote the attainment of higher educational goals for individuals who have demonstrated a positive commitment to helping their community.”  In particular, what we’re looking for is someone who is graduating this year (or who graduated last year) from a high school in the Lower Mainland or Sea-to-Sky corridor, is entering their first year of a post-secondary program.

If you think you’re that someone, or you think you know that someone, check out the Centre’s page on the scholarship, fill out the application form and submit it before the deadline, March 5th, 2010.

I was there when you
...shone as bright as Bethlehem from afar
I was there when you were
...young and strong and perverted
and everything that makes
...a young man a star, oh you were a star

- Chantal Kreviazuk, “Surrounded“

It’s been less than a month and already we find ourselves lighting yet another candle, this time for 21-year old Georgian luger Nodar Kumaritashvili who died in an accident during a practice run on the luge yesterday morning.  There are a lot of news stories flying around about the cause of the accident, who’s to blame and such but we’re just going to steer clear of all that talk and pay our respects.  After all, he was a youth too.

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In our learning section, we haven’t yet done anything to cover death, grief and loss… It’s a complicated topic because everyone grieves in their own way.  Everyone finds their own way to rejuggle their lives so that they can make peace with what they’ve lost, whether it’s a loved one or a possession.  And while some people will break down in tears immediately, sometimes it’ll take a while to hit you… You may feel guilty about ‘not feeling it yet’, but this too may be just your way of dealing with it for now.

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Here are some broad things you might want to think of, keep in mind or try, though, if you’re trying to work through a loss:

1. Accept that there is grief. It probably hurts, it may even hurt enormously, even many years later.
2. Share and express. If you feel as though there is something to “let out”, you can seek out non-judgmental ears, people you can count on, and tell them how you’re feeling.  If you’d like it be more discreet, you could try writing a “memory book” (kind of like a scrapbook, with pictures, stories and memories).
3. Take care of your body. Bereavement can be brutal on your health.  Try to eat right and make sure you have enough rest, exercise and nourishment.
4. Try to talk through guilt. We can often feel bad because we feel like we’re “grieving wrong”, say if you’ve been numb, or because you’ve been telling happy stories and laughing.  Or because there are so many regrets about what we should’ve done or didn’t quite have the time to do.  Share these feelings and if they continue to paralyze you for a long time, perhaps seeing a professional could help to work through them.
5. Speaking of which… Get professional help if needed. It’s hard to know what “if needed” means exactly, but if things are getting worse, if all your ordinary supports are tapped out, if you’ve been crippled for months by this loss, these could all be reasons to get outside help.
6. Support groups are an option if you want to share with people with similar experiences.
7. Think about what death means to you. One of the hardest questions to answer right now may be “Why?”  It can help to talk out what death means to you, and how you feel it connects to life.
8. Journaling. Writing can help not only to express your feelings, but also to record your own personal progress.
9. Consider postponing major decisions. These feelings may be kicking your butt and it may be worth avoiding major changes for a short time, since you may not be at your most sensible right now.
10. It’s okay to laugh. Remembering with laughter can help to heal the loss of a loved one.  There’s no such thing as “too soon to laugh”, though being considerate of other people’s feelings might lead you to be more discreet in your laughter.

“I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.”

- Erma Bombeck

So you may have heard that the Olympics are coming to Vancouver… next week no less.

As the opening ceremonies approach, the reaction to the Olympics has been mixed, as if we’re not really sure whether we’re excited or not, and not really sure whether we think this is a good thing or not.  This isn’t just a quiet undercurrant among locals… Even Sports Illustrated has noticed that despite the billboards, hoopla and ceremony, Vancouverites may not be as jazzed about the Games as you would expect.

That’s not all that’s different.  For weeks, CTV has been running an ad campaign called BELIEVE - you’ve probably seen it - in which our Canadian athletes are profiled, accompanied by the declaration that we have every intention of winning our first gold medal on Canadian soil this time.  Time Magazine recently ran an article talking about this change in attitude from “Hey, welcome to Canada, have fun at our Olympics, eh?” to “Actually, we plan on winning.”

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On the more practical side of things, there will be a LOT more people in town than usual, tons of roads are closed and buses and Skytrains will probably be delayed, so make sure to plan your trips accordingly.  TravelSmart 2010 has a pretty solid page with road closures and other tips if you need to get around during the Olympics, especially if you hoping to get up to Whistler. (link)

The opening ceremonies are next week, on Friday, February 12th at 6pm on pretty much every single channel on TV.  Were you hoping to watch any events in particular?

Nobody knows, nobody knows but me
That I sometimes cry, if I could pretend that I’m asleep
When my tears start to fall
I peek out from behind these walls
I think nobody knows, nobody knows, no

- Pink, Nobody Knows

In Canada, the first full week of February is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week.  For 2010, it happens to fall from February 1st to 7th and for those of you in B.C., you’ll notice that falls precariously close to the Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics.  Locally, it looks like most events will be put off until the first week of March; For the rest of Canada, NEDIC has a listing of some of the events, seminars and such going on next week.

For our part, we’re going to talk about it both weeks, if only just to be cheeky.  This week: a short look at the media.

Every day from advertising to TV & movies, we are bombarded by messages telling us what’s “normal”, what’s “beautiful” and what we should want.  Even if you don’t watch TV or go see a movie, there are billboards and posters everywhere (even at school and in bathroom stalls!), and I bet even the songs you listen to will occasionally tell you why that girl/guy’s body was soooooo hot.

On top of that, “media-portrayed images, especially those presented in the context of advertisements for dieting and weight-altering products, promote the idea that body shape and size are flexible, and that achieving the thin ideal is relatively easy.” (chain-referenced from About-Face.org) In the real world, though, it’s not easy… and the ideal you’re  trying to achieve isn’t just a one-in-a-million supermodel, it’s a one-in-a-million supermodel that then got photoshopped and airbrushed.

The media isn’t the cause of eating disorders, it does try to tell us that we should be thin (and beautiful) to be happy.

There is much, much more to you than your body.  Challenge what you see and let’s learn what’s beautiful about the real you.

Links:

• The Real Me Experience is an interactive web site for young women.  It’s basically surveys and exercises to help you reflect on yourself, your self-esteem and body image.  It’s completely private, and your account (free, no e-mail required) stays open for 30 days, then is deleted.  It takes around 2 hours to do, but you can do it little by little as long as you have your account.
• About Face is an organization based in San Francisco that runs workshops and a web site to help equip women “to understand and resist harmful media messages that affect their self-esteem and body image.”
• NEDIC stands for the National Eating Disorders Information Centre.  It is a program of the University Health Network in Toronto.

Address: 2117 Vancouver Street, Victoria BC, V8T 3Z9

Web: www.vyes.ca/keys.html

The Kiwanis Emergency Youth Shelter, a 10 bed facility, providing services to youth between the ages of 13 and 18 who have no safe place to stay.

KEYS responds to a wide range of crisis, including parent/teen conflict, abuse issues and youth homelessness etc. Referrals can be made to the Shelter on a 24 hour basis by anyone in the community.  They have a Youth & Family Support Worker on site who is able to provide support and counselling to youth and their families while they are in crisis.  Admission is voluntary and consent of the legal guardian is needed in order for a youth to stay.

Web: www.hollyburn.ca/D309.cfm

The North Shore Youth Safe House is a place where youth, 13 to 18 years old, can come and find a comfortable and secure place to stay. The Safe House is staffed by caring and friendly youth workers 24 hours a day, 7-days a week. A stay at the Safe House can be up to 14 days with a possible extension, depending on the motivation of the youth to work towards his/her goals.

The North Shore Youth Safe House is operated by Hollyburn Family Services Society.

Located in south-west Vancouver.  Shelter for youth, ages 13-15.  Referral via social worker or MCFD After-Hours.  Usually requires parent/guardian consent.  Family setting, serving teens not in care who ordinarily live in Vancouver, Richmond or North Shore.

Address: 1607 E. Hastings St., Vancouver, BC V5L 1S7

Web: vafcs.org Email: info@vafcs.org

VAFCS is a community centre that provides social, cultural, recreational, and other life-enhancing programs and services to aboriginal people making the transition to urban society.

Programs include:

• A recreational program for youth with drop-in sessions, sports, arts & crafts.
• Our Elders Speak Wisdom has two weekly luncheons, drop-in, food banks and activities for elders of aboriginal descent from all different tribes across Canada.
• Sundance Daycare for kids ages 3 to 6
• … and a host of other community events.  See web site for more details.