Coming Out
Who Should I Tell?
COMING OUT is a process of accepting yourself as lesbian, gay, or bisexual and deciding how open you want to be about your sexual orientation.
Unfortunately, not everyone you know will accept your sexual orientation or gender identity. It’s hard to know who will be able to handle the information and give you support. Some may turn away from you or tell other people about you without your permission. Telling family can be very difficult. Some families are very supportive; however, some lesbian and gay youth have been rejected from their homes and families when their parents found out. It’s important to identify someone you can trust, someone to talk to. Fortunately, homosexual/tran-gendered/trans-sexual lifestyles are increasingly more mainstream and society society is showing greater acceptance and support people who are not heterosexual.
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Things to Think About Before Coming Out to Loved Ones
To read some simple questions and answers about coming out click here
Are you sure about your sexual orientation or gender identity?
If you’re just starting to question yourself, it’s probably better to get some answers to your own questions before having to deal with the reactions of close friends and family.
Are you comfortable with your sexual orientation or gender identity?
If you’re wrestling with guilt and periods of depression, you’ll be better off waiting. Coming out to family may require tremendous energy.
Do you have support?
If your family’s reaction devastates you, there should be someone that you can turn to for emotional support and strength.
What is the emotional climate at home?
If you have a choice, consider the timing. Don’t come out while your family is dealing with other major emotional issues.
Can you be patient?
Give your family time to get use to the new information. Don’t be discouraged if it takes months or years to re-establish your relationships.
What is your motive for coming out now?
Never come out in anger or during an argument. If you come out in order to hurt someone, it will make it really hard for them to be supportive.
Are you financially dependent on your family?
If you suspect that your family will force you out of the house or cut off other types of financial support, you may want to wait until they don’t have this power over you.
What is the moral/societal view of your family members?
If people in your family tend to see social issues in clear terms of good vs. bad or holy vs. sinful, you may expect that they will have some serious difficulty dealing with your sexuality. If, however, they’ve been flexible about other changing societal matters, they may have an easier time working through their difficulties.
Is this your decision?
Realizing that you are lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans-gendered or two-spirited doesn’t mean that you have to come out to your family. Don’t be pressured into it if you are not sure you’ll be better off by doing so.
